Fallen Leaves

2010-11-13T18:11:00.000-08:00

. . . Falls almost over and all the leaves have fallen off the trees. Every time I'm in sight of a tree it reminds me of myself. a tree is tall, and full with so much leaves. I, myself, am at average height and am filled with so much knowledge. Some trees have vibrant colored leaves and other dull. Some days I feel so alive, and others I feel as if my world is crashing down. Now, there's no more leaves and I feel alone. I feel as if my words never matter. I'm slowly falling and becoming weaker. I look myself in the mirror and see a girl. No longer a girl with so much personality, but one that is lost. To be honest, I've felt like this for a few years now. As the years go by I feel as if my inner self is dying little by little.
              Just the other day i read a story called "The Nose". In this story, a priest was insecure, and threw a series of lessons he realized that he should be proud of who he is no matter what. At this point, I'm feeling like this priest. An insecure lady with no idea on how to view the outside life. As the days go on, my insecurity eats me alive more and more. People say I am gorgeous, others say beautiful. On the inside, I see a girl who has gone through so much stress that their is nothing but ugliness. I'm a girl with the attitude of a bitch. I'm the smart lady with the mind of a psycho. No one sees that though. Everyone sees a girl with a smile on her face. The girl with the smile on her face no longer wants to smile. She wants to scream and shout. I want to escape these walls I am trapped in. I want to escape the "life any kid would die for".
              The woman who bore me says that i have it so easy. Yes, anyone would say that i have it easy. Of course I do, I go to a great school and have everything i could dream of. When I say that my life is horrible, I do not mean the materialistic aspect of it. I am talking about the emotional part. I think that's every ones problem. Life is not only about the materialistic things. My heart is not won over by a Pandora bracelet or a diamond ring. My heart is won over by someone who can cherish me and appreciate me for who I am. My happiness is not brought upon by a new phone and a laptop. My happiness is brought upon by feeling loved and cared for. I no longer feel loved or cared for. I no longer feel safe at home. Home is a place where a family can be together. My home is now hell, where there is no longer a family, but individuals. The person who bore me is blind to this fact though.
               I do not wish to be pitied on. I want to be understood. Am I blind to see that I have it all, or am I correct for thinking that everything just isn't the same because every aspect of my life is broken. I now feel like the leaves on the tree. . . . alone and have now fallen against the winds of life.

- My Unspoken Words.

A Walk Down the Road of Unspoken Words

Fallen Leaves